Golf musings

I'm watching the PGA championships on TV right now, and a couple thoughts come to mind.

1) Tiger Woods' swing is in trouble. He's over-swinging, and dipping his head and body on the downswing, trying to add distance, which causes him to hit it fat. It's an amateur move usually caused by physical restrictions of weekend hackers with bad postures, but in Tiger's case, it's an insecurity embedded in his head. When you're not striking the ball well and with distance, the natural response is to try to swing harder. But all that causes is off-center contact, which contributes to loss of distance. And what you have then is a downhill spiral of swing mechanics, and an upward spiral of golf scores. This causes angry golf and potentially an expensive round of broken golf clubs.

That's why golf is such a brutal and unforgiving sport. Golfers in slumps receive advice from every corner, and pretty soon the swing becomes mechanical as the brain is stuffed full of bad swing thoughts. Sometimes the only way out of a slump is to push "delete" and stop thinking. A clear mind is the best antidote for a muddy swing. Don't swing harder; swing smoother.

Far be it for me to give golfing advice to the world's best ever player, but videos of his current swing expose his swing flaws.

2) As that may be, Tiger needs to go back to dating escorts and porn stars. He needs to do something, because as bad as his swing is, his putting is looking mortal. He used to be automatic up to 12 feet--he's now missing 2-footers, normally gimme's for even hackers. Obviously, he's showing his nerves and he needs to release that tension. Some people just aren't meant to be married--or monogamous. And the golf industry would do well to help him come to this realization. Because as a rehabilitating addict (notice he never mentions the phrase "sex addict"), his golf game is in the toilet.

Why should the PGA intervene? Because TV viewership is down 70% now that Tiger is no longer contending for championships. Even players normally jealous of his attention will plead with him to go back to his old ways. Because with his ascent in the golfing world and crossover appeal to the mainstream, their paychecks also got much bigger due to more generous corporate sponsorships. If his poor play keeps up, advertising rates will plummet to pre-Tiger levels, especially in light of a weakened economy.

3) Speaking of the PGA, they run commercials during TV breaks emphasizing the PGA's considerable charity work. They've tried to downplay the elitist nature of golf, choosing to focus on how it's a sport for the every day man, woman, and child. But the voice-over in one of the commercials belongs to Michael Douglas, the famous actor who is an avid golfer. Surely, he's among the elite, right? Yes and no.

Due to his reputation as a Hollywood playboy in real life and in his movie roles, Mr. Douglas was denied a country club membership in the three country clubs near his residence in Montecito, adjacent to Santa Barbara, California. He was an ultra-successful actor, wealthy, famous, with pedigree (Kirk Douglas was his father), white, and an entertainment industry icon with an international following. Yet, his reputation as a womanizer, whether feigned or real, derailed his otherwise ideal profile for these stuffy country clubs. The golfing Establishment rejected him. So what did he do? He built his own country club.

How ironic is it that he is now a spokesman for the PGA, the governing body of golf in the US, and the sport's ultimate promoter. I'm sure some old fogeys in conservative Montecito are rolling over in their golf carts.

4) Another commercial during coverage of the PGA golf tournament depicts the safety of a Mercedes-Benz vehicle. Granted, the choice of sponsor certainly fits the right demographic for a golf viewing audience. But the message was disturbing. Catering to the affluent's obsession with (perceived) dangers and safety issues, the commercial implies the luxury vehicle can help drivers veer away from imminent danger in case the driver literally falls asleep at the wheel. In fact, it goes beyond implication--it downright shows testimonials of drivers who did fall asleep but were somehow miraculously saved from death and destruction. It's a miracle, I tell you--a self-driving vehicle where the driver can fall asleep, or gab on the cell phone, whichever is more urgent at the time. Those damn distractions...

One of my idiosyncrasies is connecting seemingly irrelevant observations into a financial context. It annoys many people, unless my audience is of like-mind. So if you are not like me, stop reading now.

For the rest of you obsessed with finances and conspiracy theories, keep reading.

1) Tying this all together, in a barely coherent fashion, I've been a critic of the Fed and their Keynesian approach to managing economies. They believe they can control markets and economies by tampering with fiscal and monetary controls. They've effectively created recurring asset bubbles, unable to dampen the accompanying busts. The more they deploy credit expansion policies, the higher the debt levels, and the more destructive the deficits become to economic growth. The Fed and US Treasury push on a string, with the only beneficiaries being insolvent banks recapitalizing their balance sheet. Of course, Main Street doesn't benefit, because the aforementioned banks are hoarding their reserves, making a guaranteed return from the excess reserves, while the private citizens cannot receive loans. No credit means no capital and human investments, which means no hiring--not a quantum leap of faith.

Having said that, the only feasible path politicians have now is to continue handing out welfare to industries, home borrowers, the unemployed, bankrupt states, counties and municipalities. Never mind that the Federal government itself is insolvent. They'll just print money money and issue more debt. After all, our friendly allies in Russia, China, and the middle east oil cartel sovereigns will continue to fund our over-consumptive habits, right?

Recall my comments on the golf swing. The harder one swings, the LESS distance the ball flies. And the harder the Fed turns on the printing machine, the worse the economy becomes. Swing hard, and surely we'll all grow out of this mess. Hardly.

2) The next lesson here is know who you are, and know what you do well. If you're meant to be single, and singularly focused on playing golf, then stick with golf. Don't pretend to be someone you're not (in Tiger's case, a dedicated family man). Now that Tiger is going cold turkey on floozy gold diggers, he's finding he can't hit a golf ball straight. Tiger, do the PGA a favor, as well as your fellow golf pros. And the television networks. And the corporate sponsorships. And the whole golfing industry. They need the old Tiger back, because they are all hurting now. It's not just those at the top that are hurting. It's also the thousands of workers in the golf industry, from the local pro to the starter who makes sure you get out for a round on time. These guys are earning minimum wage--they won't be in the top tax bracket for a while. Golf doesn't have a Kobe, or LeBron, or even DWade. It only has you. And until you start pimp-busting--er, I mean pump-fisting again, they're going to miss that bonus check--the Tiger premium.

Please, for all of us weekend warriors...we need you too. Because it's hard for us to fantasize about hitting a golf ball like Duffy Waldorf.

3) The third message is be careful of social labels. Just because you are of certain skin color, pedigree, ethnic heritage, occupation, doesn't mean your social class status will be a benefit or a disadvantage in all venues. And just because the incumbent establishment has long-held traditions, doesn't make that establishment fair-minded or even right-minded. And just like Michael Douglas created his own country club, don't let others put you down. Sometimes, you can create your own reality.

4) Lastly, be careful of the creeping nanny-state mentality. The Mercedes vehicle commercial implies it is beneficial to have a car drive for you, and that you can depend on the car to prevent you from pending disaster. The reality is that while the car may have advanced safety features, it is still up to you navigate the car away from danger. You, your passengers, other drivers, pedestrians, and other people in the vicinity still require your responsible driving actions.

With respect to finances and retirement planning, do not depend on the government to take care of you. It is still your responsibility to plan your finances. Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, other entitlement programs and pension funds are on track to insolvency, so don't believe government promises to take care of you in your golden years (the operative word being "golden"). The nanny-state may be alive and well, but don't rely on it being there when you expect it. Have a sound personal savings and investment plan in place, not just for income, but also as a hedge against inflation and a difficult investment environment.